Dr. Stanley Goldstein - Author and Psychologist

Two statements of long ago friends linger in my mind: "I've never been sure what love means" and "It's hard to believe what you once believed when the craziness is gone." In a sense, these thoughts describe why some people remain loveless or continually behave in self-defeating ways. Not from genetics or the mythical "chemical imbalance" which unjustly profits some doctors and corporations but because of early childhood experiences which can deform the human personality into adulthood. 

An important goal of childhood maturation is to gain control over feelings, to not behave impulsively as occurs with "road rage." After birth the infant is overwhelmed by feelings, having left the comfort of the womb to enter a booming buzzing world. They do so gradually by assigning positive and negative valences to experiences: positive to those that fulfill their needs and negative to those which ignore them or arouse anxiety.

Most powerful are the negative valences which become associated with angry aggressive behavior and persist, becoming visible during later experiences that produce overwhelming anxiety because of lingering childhood emotional conflict. Though these happenings may be desirable as when seeking intimacy or being assertive on the job. 

The unconscious is very powerful and one must respect its power.

To save money on counselors, schools have been subscribing to chatbots, online AI companions who can be contacted anytime. As a mode familiar to students and a companion that will never be unavailable or reject them, what's not to like? Well, maybe a few things.
1. People have always had imaginary companions in their head and, when lonely, fantasize them. Youth, being immature, cannot fully utilize this though they have used it since infancy: imagining the image of their nurturing mother when they are in need, this being essential to the development of self-control.
2. A chatbot gives an unrealistic view of friendship, which is not always available and agreeable.
3. The intensive emotional support that youth need should be provided by their parents. When not available it is often from lack of knowledge of child psychological development which is widespread.
4. Use of a chatbot is inherently self-isolating.
5. A chatbot cannot sense psychodynamics, that a real need may be other than what is revealed online. And while therapists vary in their ability to do this it being dependent on education, talent, and experience, the best therapists can do so more regularly.

A recent news item described a lawsuit against such company when its AI companion reportedly spoke of youth who got so angry at parental behavior they killed their parents, this being the AI's attempt to foster camaraderie with the youth. Not smart!.

This blog was inspired by an article in The Wall Street Journal ("Schools Turn to a New Chatbot To Help Support Students/Feb 25, 2025).

A recent psychology listserv posting, referring to the layoff of federal workers, called it an "existential crisis." With which I must disagree! An existential crisis is a medical emergency or war situation and not unemployment though losing one's job is a major stress and one that all must learn to cope with. That unemployment can feel existential is another matter and that it can arouse depression and even physical symptoms is certain. But maturation means being able to consider matters in perspective. A job may feel like a supportive family that will provide sustenance for life but it is not.

I've had periods of unemployment and was once laid off from a government job with the union delegate stating that he'd never seen a government layoff before. But the county had financial problem, I was considered highly paid and so re-hired part-time.

All my periods of unemployment led to better results, as hopefully will happen with these laid-off workers. I've had patients who came to this country unable to speak English, learned it and more to earn more than many. I believe in the resilience of people, both youth and adults, which is a notion that seems to have become unpopular today. Nuff said.

The developmental origin of drug abuse has long been known. Early in life a child develops the basic ego capacities governing human functioning: the ability to control their thinking and behavior; the ability to modulate their mood; the ability to distinguish reality from fantasy; and their development of the sense of who they are or, as it is termed, their "sense of self."

No one experiences perfect parenting but if it was greatly inadequate a weakness of one or more of these capacities develop. This can cause difficulty with paying attention in school, socializing, and enabling later success with the critical development tasks of adolescence: dating, gaining appropriate separation from parents, and constructing realistic educational and vocational goals. These failings cause distress and, with some youth, the attempt to alleviate it using alcohol or drugs.

Substance abuse occasionally begins earlier or later but mostly during adolescence. Treatment is difficult because undergoing psychotherapy to heal the underlying personality issues that cause the substance abuse takes time while using a drug lessens pain quickly. The need for many episodes of in-patient treatment to become "clean" begins their life-long struggle to remain so. Longevity is not associated with substance abuse.

This article was inspired by my reading in The Wall Street Journal ("The Dark Side of Addiction Recovery for the Rich"/Feb. 16, 2025).

Few mental health subjects other than suicide contain more public misunderstanding. This article was incited by my county's mailed handout containing its risk indicators which include substance abuse, depression, and a family history of suicide. All being true though the major risk factors of suicide are the degree of self-control possessed, the presence of lethal means as a gun or drug, and if suicidal intent is present. Important facts were omitted, including reassuring ones such as depression (the "depressing" of feelings) being part of the human condition and commonly experienced when one struggles with an important personal decision.

While every expression of suicide should be professionally evaluated, its act is relatively rare when compared with its utterance. Virtually everyone hints of suicide sometime during their life ("I could kill myself") but relatively few do. Its incidence is like the proverbial needle in the haystack and why suicide prevention programs have questionable benefit though more public education about child psychological development and developmental psychopathology (a term coined long ago by my doctoral advisor) is certainly needed.

Suicide is motivated not by an immediate disappointment in love or work but from long-term despair: deep feelings of worthlessness derived from unsupportive parenting early in life. Then, at some future time, a major stress occurs, the early feelings of worthlessness resurrect and suicide is attempted. Because there is a biological imperative to live, alcohol or drug use is often present during this act.

A suicidal gesture is usually a cry for help, intended to gain the person their long resisted but needed treatment. And, contrary to another widespread belief, teenage cutting reflects self-hatred and the attempt to relieve stress rather than seeking death though accident can occur. Though certainly unwise, its real danger is the possibility of life-long scarring. Nuff said.

I once had a talented, highly accomplished friend who, a few minutes after asserting something, would say, "I never said that." Similarly, some children often deny responsibility for a misdeed despite evidence being apparent. In adults, this behavior has become understood in recent years as a selective impulsivity in an otherwise well-controlled person, they exhibiting such behavior only in selective areas of their life.

This usually reflects not an impulsive personality but contradictory impulses in particular areas of ife, perhaps those related to self-assertion or intimacy. As example, the person who is repeatedly sexually seductive only to quickly reject their partner to seek another "conquest." Another example is the person who lies impulsively but states lying is not a problem for them and accuses others of lying. These behaviors are emotionally disconnected from each other, being the essence of what is termed "compartmentalization."

The unconscious is very powerful and one must respect its power.

Sadly, false beliefs about childhood autism have become prominent today with many believing it derives from vaccination or air pollution or whatever. Yet psychologists have long known its origin, and why this knowledge is resisted by the public. Autism symptoms are perhaps the most visually disturbing of all mental health behaviors since it develops during the earliest years of life. But autism is also often misdiagnosed, and the presence of some autistic symptoms in a child often vanishes after brief play psychotherapy.

Autism is caused by a greatly deficient mother-infant interaction beginning in earliest infancy. The biological endowment of most infants enables their healthy development provided they experience an environment that meets their needs. For example, all babies will walk at the same general age even if they had been mostly carried by their mother. The pre-autistic baby, sensing the parenting inadequacies, seeks independence, an effort which must fail because of their age. This causes many such children to seem precocious at three years of age, until their attempt at autonomy collapses and an autistic shell develops as a protective mechanism. For effective treatment the therapist must enter the child's world and slowly wean them out. My intensive inpatient treatment, twice daily therapy for four years, of a teenage autistic child is described in my book, Troubled Children/Troubled Parents: The Way Out, the first chapter of which is posted on my website.

An Australian study found that when the mothers of young pre-autistic children were provided extensive counsseling about parent-child interaction, virtually none of these children were diagnosed as autistic at four. It is undeserved parental guilt which causes these facts to be ignored.

All parents believe they are doing the best for their children though none would consider this on any other task without instruction, which is publicly lacking. Thus parental guilt is unwarranted, particularly since the unconscious is very powerful. Sound parenting education could greatly benefit all.

This post was inspired by a Wall Street Journal article ("Stop Panicking Over Teens and Social Media"/Jan. 31, 2025) - The teenage (and younger) obsession with social media is not new, nor is it different from other compulsive behaviors that have long tormented parents. Though not inherently bad, its misuse can have life altering consequences and not for the better. I have known teen sexting activity to cost parents large legal fees, and grave consequences from this for adults too.
Psychologically, compulsive activity is a normal healthy mental mechanism when occasionally used to reduce anxiety. It is beneficial with scientific, creative, academic, or job activity but unproductive when interfering with these as when compulsively playing a video game instead of doing homework. An obsession is a repetitive thought (for example, the fear of not having locked the door) and a compulsion is the physical act of doing so (checking the door is locked).
Thus when a youth engages with social media obsessively it is because they are overly anxious, and the reason for this is what the parents should investigate, to remedy their child's distress with or without professional aid.
But education is important too since youth, being immature, do not grasp its potential harm or understand that what is posted today will publicly exist forever. Yet momentary impulsivity can cause adults to lose their way too. To think twice before posting is a good rule. And all, whether religious or not, should follow the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shalt not remove thy clothing in front of a camera!

In 2019 a 13-year-old British boy called a child welfare hotline and asked "What should I do if I want to kill somebody?" This year the 18-year-old did, murdering three girls at a dance class and trying to kill eight others and two adults who hoped to protect them. The police later found 164,000 documents and images on his digital devices, including images and videos of dead bodies, torture and beheadings, indicating his long obsession with killing. He downloaded an Al Qaeda training manual which included knife attack methods, and had made ricin, a biological toxin, that he kept in a lunchbox under his bed.

Teachers concerned about his interest in violence had reported him to authorities three times, when he was 13 and 14, without intervention since he was considered by them to be only crazed and not ideologically motivated. Diagnosed with autism at 14, he became increasingly reclusive, anxious, and aggressive in the years before the attack. He received mental health treatment for four years but "stopped engaging" with clinicians in 2023. His defense lawyer was reported to have said, in a statement which borders farce, that there was "no psychiatric evidence which could suggest that a mental disorder contributed" to his actions. With professional judgments like these, snails will soon take over the Earth.

Such killings are not rare, having occurred in Colorado Springs, Raleigh, Buffalo, Texas, Illinois, Serbia, Prague, Georgia, Wisconsin and most recently Nashville, I explaining the underlying motives in a previous article, "Understanding the Newtown Shooter," which is posted on my website (https://www.drstanleygoldstein.com/bio.htm). Sadly, knowledge of child psychological development is minimal among doctors, school personnel, and the general public, as is knowledge of developmental psychopathology, a term coined by my doctoral advisor decades ago. Nuff said.

This item was inspired by a Wall Street Journal Article ("Bill Gates: I Coded While I Hiked as a teenager. Was I on the Spectrum? Probably"/Jan. 24, 2025). There are fashions in labeling mental health disorders. A clinician confided that in his West Coast psychiatric hospital it was now forbidden to describe patients as "crazy," that the term "insane" must be used instead, and another that in his Washington DC hospital "crazy" was the preferred nomenclature with "insane" being forbidden. Similarly, the term "mentally retarded" has become abolished though without a favored accepted replacement. Or perhaps today all must be regarded as possessing genius lest feelings be hurt though both cognitive and physical abilities have long been known to follow the a bell curve, which is nature's way of saying that most people are about average.

During the newspaper interview, Gates was reported to have said that were he born today his obsessive interest in coding would be described as "neurodivergent," which has become the present term for children who were once termed "strange" or "weird." Even autism is now depicted as merely "neurodivergent," implying normality, though it is perhaps the most disabling of all mental health conditions, and often misdiagnosed.

Knowledge of child psychological development and developmental psychopathology (a term coined by my doctoral advisor decades ago) is minimal among both doctors and the general public.